the voices

hello all. i spent the weekend playing around with some genealogy and while doing that i decided to open a pkg i got from my cousin Jim. It was a video of pics from his dad funeral, which i loved to see all the pics again, and another video that said it was footage of my grandpa, Paul. i played it not knowing what it would be. i was sitting on the ottoman just in front of the tv and this video of a building comes on and i hear Jim's voice talking about the zoom on the camera as the zoom gets engaged and the building turns blurry because of the zoom being too close, then zoomed back out again. as I am listening to Jim tryin to work the camera, I hear a voice I have not heard since 2003. My grandpa was talking in the back ground. Tears instantly filled me eyes as i hung on every silly word. then my grandpa and uncle Bill come into the screen and I can see them goofing and talking. Luckily this video was only 3 minutes long, because I bawled like a small baby the entire time. The voices that i thought i had lost forever, I was hearing them again. This Christmas the best present I will get is that 3 minutes of video from Jim. i have the voices that I love and miss terribly back and although I know I will probably bawl every time i watch it, i am thrilled to have just 3 minutes every now and then with my grandpa and uncle Bill. Merry Christmas to all my cousins. i hope you all have a safe and wonderful holiday.

Thanksgiving time

Hello to all my Heeding cousins. It has been almost two months since I posted anything on this blog, wow, how the time does fly. I wanted to express my thanks for having all my cousins, no matter how close or different we each are. Family is so important, rather we want to admit it or not. I know it was most important to our ancestors (mostly Bill, Paul, and Pat). They all loved to talk of their families and brag about the family gatherings for the holidays. As I get ready for this holiday season, I think of them each very often. I miss them all and wish they were here to celebrate with us. From the funny faces grandpa used to make posing for pictures while carving a turkey, or grandma playing at being victimized by grandpas mock head lock for a pic, or Bills wonderful voice over the phone, I miss it all. They are all going to be a part of our holidays, just in a different way. They will never be forgotten.
My dad, Bob, bought my grandparents home and will be staying in Sandy. Billie is now a great grandma! Billie's oldest son, Travis, became a grandpa at the end of October through his oldest child and only daughter, Meranda. Athena Nat'e Nakai was born October 23. I have seen pics of her and although I am bias, I say she is an absolute doll! Meranda and Athena are both home and doing wonderful. I know grandma would have loved to have been here to become a great great grandma and hold the new baby. I keep telling myself she saw her before all of us and that brings comfort. Travis' wife will be undergoing Chemo for a disease in which they feel chemo will help with (she does not have cancer). they found this out two weeks before Athena was born. According to my research of the disease it can be passed on to the females through the family (it would be Bonnie's family). I hope Meranda and Athena dont experience any problems. Cindy and her family are doing good. Her oldest is now living in Roy and her boys are still close to their moms home. Ryan still living at home and Landon (and wife and two girls) are not far away. I try and stay in contact with all my cousins, i know grandma would appreciate it. Phil has said some of his siblings would be interested in contacting Billie or Cindy. If you are interested you can email me @ saratogaredneck@yahoo.com and I will give you their phone numbers. Cindy is not on the internet, but Billie recently set up a facebook account under the name Billie Walsh. I am not on her friend list. i talk with Phil from time to time mostly on facebook and I write to Jim as often as i can.
Take care all and Happy Thanksgiving!

sorry

today i found out that my email account had been hacked and they stole all the contacts off my list and then deleted it and any old/sent mail from my mail box so i couldnt email anyone back to let them know not to open those emails sent suposedly from me. im sorry if you opened them and i hope it doesnt cause any problems with your email accounts or contact lists. i have made password changes and such to prevent it from happening again but i have lost all my contacts. i appologize for any problems you may experience as a result of this hacker.

some old photos

Most of these photos were taken in the 1940's. They are brothers Paul and Bill Heeding, Paul and Pat Heeding, and one of Pat when she was 17, and one of Bill flexin' his muscles! these are the only pics i have of Paul with his brother Bill. The ones of Paul and Pat were taken in California when she went out there to marry him while he was on leave from the USS Aldebaron in 1944.

some old photos

what now

in the past months we have lost two loved people in our families. with this loss i am finding things a bit confusing. the other day i even thought to myself that i needed to remember to write about something to uncle Bill. one chapter is closed and a new one is begining for all of us. there are things i still think of every day that i wish i could share with my grandma. knowing full well even if she were here i still couldnt share them with her. her last months were very harsh. she was down to 80 lbs at the time of her death. she no longer resembled herself in so many ways. her eyes blank from the blindness and the dimensia, her mind wavering in but mostly out of reality. her final days were spent in a drug endused sleep. she had another two strokes in her final week the last one left her inconsolable. she would cry and scream for help but couldnt say help from or for what. she was disoriented and scared and no matter what was done she would not calm down or be consoled. finally hospice advised a drug endused sleep. she slept her final three days. she took her final breath just about quarter to five in the evening on July 25, 2010 and slipped away. she is finally with the loved ones she has longed for. she is with my uncle Bill, her siblings, and my grandpa again. i hope that they are on some beach some where and having the time of their lives. in that world they are all whole and happy again, they have no pain and hopefully have no memory of the pain they suffered prior to their deaths. they will be missed, loved, and remembered for the rest of my life.
now the rest of us continue on without them. i for one am selfish and not shy to admit that i would prefer to have them with me. my dad asked me last night what now? what do we do now that they are gone? for this i dont have an answer, frankly i have asked myself the same thing. eventually the wounds of loss heal to some degree, maybe one day i will get through an entire day without tears. try to help one another the best we can. know that we are still a family and will be forever bonded by those who are gone.
i am in the process of creating memorials for my grandma and uncle Bill on a website www.findagrave.com they are still very much a work in progress but feel free to check them out if you wish. i welcome input. i already have one that again is still a work in progress for my grandpa. i update things and add things at will. if you have imput on any of the memorials i created please email me @ saratogaredneck@yahoo.com
don't cry for me,
i am finally free.
the pain is no longer here,
i can play like the deer.
don't cry for me,
i'm a bird in the tree.
the songs that i sing,
a smile for you may they bring.
dont cry for me,
i'm the waves upon the sea.
sometimes wild and harsh,
and sometimes quiet as a marsh.
dont cry for me,
heart and mind are they key.
watching over you from a far,
i'll be wherever you are.

in loving memory to
Paul Heeding 2003, Jeannette Heeding 2010, Bill Heeding 2010, Bill Qualls 1997, Virgil Gail Qualls 1987, Lee Qualls 2002, Peg Qualls O'Neil 2002

Jeannette Eva Qualls Heeding "Patt"

Pat is gone. She slipped from this earth peacefully on the evening of July 25, 2010 in Sandy, Utah. The only peaceful thing in her life in many months. Her suffering is done and she can be whole again and no longer feeling confused and in pain.

some dark days

As I write this it is unknown what will happen in the days to come with my grandma, Pat Heeding. Her dimensia being very bad and her moments of clarity being that of thoughts of suicide and of wanting to be dead. She asked me to kill her and when I refused she got mad and said she would have to do it herself. She has suffered a few strokes and as of late has started falling in the night when she should be in bed. If my dad hears a thud he checks on her to find her on the floor of her room, this last one she had hit her face and was bloody but nothing that wont heal quickly. If he doesnt hear a thud he finds her crumpled on the floor the next morning. She doesnt know how she gets there and is either having more srokes or just doesnt want him to know what she was doing or doesnt remember what she was doing. The doctors insist there is nothing that can be done. She is too old they say. I hate that she suffers. I dont want to say goodbye, but I dont want her to stay and be miserable. Others who have gone, come to visit her. She will tell me that Betty, her cousin, was just here a minute ago and said she would be back for her. Her parents have stopped by a time or two. Her brother, Gail, comes by for a visit now and then. Not long ago she was visited by my grandpa, Paul, and was very upset by his visit as he left without her. She chased him out into the road and my dad had to go and get her and bring her back into the house. These of course are all loved ones who have crossed to the other side in the past years, most being gone for several years now. She has taken, in her moments of confusion, to sneaking outside and going out to the road and yelling for help. She is hard to calm down and usually my dad has to have a neighbor call one of his sisters to come down. One very nice lady who has lived next door for several years was nice enough to stay and help him calm her down when they couldnt get a hold of either Cindy or Billie that day.
Well as sad as it is, that is the update on my grandma. I hope that happiness and health is part of all of your lives. Take care my cousins. I hope you are all doing well.

its been a week

wow its already been a week since my idaho trip to attend my uncle bills funeral. i miss him so much. i hope all is going well with all my cousins and that life is starting to calm down a bit and find some normalcy for you all. I have already sent off a letter to Jimmy and have another one going in the mail some time this week. Since bills funeral my grandma has come home from the nursing home and is enjoying being back in her own house again. its a crazy life for my dad but he wants her to be where she wants to be. im happy that he is able to do that for her. i wish he had more help from his sisters but i guess we cant have everything. i try to help but he wont tell me what he needs most or what days help more etc so its hard for me to do a whole lot to be helpful. anyway, just wanted all my cousins who may look at this to know that i am thinking about all of you and hope all is going well. take care.

begining blog

hello to all my Heeding cousins! I wanted to take a few minutes to get this blog set up so that we all have a place to start coming and leting one another know how things are going and what everyone is up to. Since it has been twenty something years since I have seen so many of you until the passing this past May of William "Bill" Heeding. I am the grandaughter of Bill's younger brother, Paul, who passed away in 2003. I would like to keep in touch with all of my cousins thorughout the coming years and that is what this blog will hopefully do. Any one in the Heeding family is welcome to join and keep in contact with everyone else. All you have to do is send me an email @ saratogaredneck@yahoo.com and ask for a invite and I will gladly send one out to you for you to join this blog. I look forward to hearing from all of you periodically. I hope everyone was able to travel safely to their homes after Bill's funeral and that you all had a safe trip.